9 Jan 2011, Sunday,
As soon as I woke up in the morning, I put on my face, sat for vipassana. As long as I continued the meditation the huge loud music went on the very mornig. Well, today, Sunday. Nobody banged any morning before like this. I felt quit absurd but continued. Thought that may God check my patience and didnt hold my breath but did what I was supposed to do.
What happened the next was I went for breakfast. The canteen was filled with few number of students, I sit for there, waited for moments, paratha was being prepared. I noticed, people started to gather more and more. Right there, the first lot came, parathas finished in no time. Well, I waited for some more moments, felt normal and expected for the next lot. Ya, this time it took more minutes. Suddenly, the worker came with huge amount of parathas. One of the worker put parathas into plates and distrbuted among us but except me, lot took no time to finish again. Ah, I wondered with jelousy and guilt and murmered myself, what is that?. I totally felt impatient. Couldn’t stop myself, words started to come from within – hey, dont’ you see this little shit sitting here and waiting since long time? Or am I invisible that one put plates infront of the guyz beside me and not of me? Blah… blah… Bahadur bhaiya became the victim. After few minutes, the third lot arrived. Bahadur bhaiya himself put two parathas for me. As soon as I tore the paratha for my first bite, I felt something inside myself. Now, what I realised was the shame inside me. Ah of me, questioned myself, Why, why?
The greed, cruelty, guilt, jelousy had vanished now. Why did these came for a moment and made me wholely impatient. They remained inside me for just 2-3 minutes. I was totally impure. Oh me, shameless. Was this because I was expecting for something or my valuable time I was wasting for nothing? May because I was jelous with the other guys or people don’t care me. I was filled with egos and selfishness. Yes, because I was silent and covered my face with the hood of my pullover and nobody did recognise me.
Ha ha ha ha… I remembered GOD. So this is you who is taking my test time to time. Well, I failed it. No worry. Sure, I promise you, I will pass it one day. I will pass it one day…. I swear, my heart and soul will be compltetly pure that day.
Let all beings be happy, Let all beings be liberated.